Leadership Lessons from Grief

24 weeks ago, I started another ordinary day with a coffee ☕ in my hand. A single glance at my phone changed everything.

My sweet father passed away unexpectedly in the night. The cry that came out of me was raw, primal. My heart and my world shattered. The puzzle pieces 🧩of the life I had been carefully constructing for decades were broken up, with a heap of new puzzles and new identity needing to be built, now without a dad.

My mind was haunted by one thought, “I just heard his warm 'hello' yesterday”. I had meant to call him back, but I was “busy and didn’t get around to it”. Now I never will...

The past six months are a blur of pain deeper than anything I've ever known. The many cries were inconsolable. My hyper-independence failed me. Human suffering gained a new meaning and now felt deeply personal, life cruel, even as others carried on joyfully like nothing happened. I needed support —and I took it, from family, friends, neighbors, or strangers who saw me choke up at the mention of “father.”

I felt deeply grateful for coaching and other tools. Coaching shed light on my relationship with my father needing healing. That journey created space for us to have new conversations, where I learned that this is the moment he felt the proudest of me, something he rarely said aloud. Now, this knowing is priceless. 

Grief is teaching me a lot:

• Time is fragile - live and lead with clarity and purpose. Life is very short, unpredictable and things end abruptly. Know what is important, make time for it, live and lead by your values. Build lives and workplaces you won't later regret.

  
  

• Workplaces are full of aching hearts - lead with compassion. Life milestones and losses come with identify shifts. People carry a load of invisible burdens. Grief has no regard for rules and will do what it wants, when and as long as it wants. When words fail, a pause, presence and deep listening support.

  
  

• Leadership is human work - bring your heart. Our humanity means that we need empathy and human connection, also in the workplace. Teams and people are not robots (not yet). Cultivate supportive, collaborative teams that rally together and tap into the passion and purpose of their hearts to achieve more. Leadership without compassion is dangerous - look at the world. 

  
  

• Coach the whole person - Coaching and leadership ripple beyond the workplace, into families and communities. Face reality with the courage of an elephant rather than hide your head in the sand like an ostrich. Listen deeply, with presence and objectivity, challenge with courage and empathy.

I have fallen badly, but I'm standing again, even if still wobbly.

Life is short - so I recommit to my mission of:

• helping more people thrive at work through coaching,

• equipping leaders with the power of coaching skills to lead with presence, courage and compassion.

We all need wind in our sails. ⛵My father is now the wind in mine. 

Who is the wind in yours—and how are you helping others catch the wind they need?